Sunday night I was bored. I had eaten perfect and gotten in great workouts all weekend and had all my chores done by 6 PM Sunday evening. With no pending Mad Men to occupy me, I was antsy and decided I really wanted to go out for a little tasty cheat food and a glass of wine.
I called up MP and went to Alchemy, then met up with a friend for a drink. It was nice to go out since it has been so long, and I knew I would be A-OK because I already had my clean meals ready for work the next day.
And then Monday happened. I'll spare you the details, but the tip of the iceberg is that we have 10 executives from corporate visiting this week, I had 5 phone interviews to conduct, and benefit renewal season is in full swing. INSANITY! My lunch hour workout went right out the window. No problem, I'll just go to the gym after work. So I work, I work, I work, I work....until 7:00 PM! That's 11 hours straight.
I leave the office and drive home a zombie, starving and exhausted. That was when my weakness got the best of me. I had no more prepared clean food, no energy, and super high stress and anxiety. So what do I do? Do I whip up some egg whites and oatmeal and head to the Y to decompress? Hell no. I ask my little bro if he wants to throw in for some pizza delivery and order that shit up, then settle in front of the couch to watch cable til my eyelids start to droop. I was supposed to have made clean food for the next day.
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| AND THEN I JUMP OUT AFTER IT, K? |
So that sent me off to work this morning with nothing prepared for lunch. I had my clean breakfast and snack, but nothing for lunch. We were having a catered employee lunch and since I am always on the set up/tear down crew, I couldn't leave and at least hit up the salad bar, I had to eat with everyone else...and there were no "healthy" options. bbq, potato salad, stuff like that.
So that sucked, and then blah blah blah (sparing the drama details) another day from hell, and I don't get home tonight until 7:00 PM. Again, no energy for the gym (probably from eating that crap food) and no clean food around, so I had a slice of leftover pizza for dinner and collapsed on the couch, defeated, mentally wrestling with my self but physically unable to do anything about it.
The guilt was eating me alive. What am I doing? I don't want this. Sunday was cool, I was cool with that and felt like I had some wiggle room for it, but not yesterday and today. This is how it happens- how you get off track. You're too tired to prepare, and the lack of preparedness ruins your plan, and because you ate poorly and didn't exercise you are tired, grouchy, and more stressed than you would be otherwise. The vicious cycle.
Determined not to let the cycle continue for another second, I got my ass up of the couch and started making my healthy meals for tomorrow. Hooray! So tomorrow I'll have a perfect eating day and get in a hard workout or two and all will be well. I'm going to go lower carb for the next 2-3 days too since I've had more than enough over the past few days.
No scrutinization, no self loathing, just evaluation, assessing, and moving on. Bootstraps, baby! This is another lesson in the importance of planning ahead and making good choices. I need to make sure I ALWAYS have my clean meals with me and be less of a martyr at work when I have a choice. I have a lot of responsibility, but sneaking out for a 40 minute run isn't going to cause the walls to fall in. I am going to make sure I make time for myself during the workday.
I am glad I was able to feel the night and day differenc having eaten poorly. Physically, I feel sluggish and full, not strong and fit like I had been feeling. Mentally, I feel cloudy and stressed, not empowered and happy.
And all that stuff they say about bad carbs making you crave bad carbs.... it is true! It messes with your cravings. I feel like learning this stuff was really valuable at this point in the game, like a true science experiment that makes me want to get back to my squeaky-clean livin' sooner than ever.
Am I too hard on myself? Maybe a little. Like I said, I thought Sunday night was fine, and cheat meals should be allowed. But I am not in maintenance mode yet, and it is very important to me that I make sure those days are rare and don't put me in a cycle I don't want to be in. I always want to figure out my "triggers" are and fight those stressful days the healthy way. Not to say I haven't! I've mentioned before some of the victories I've had. Days where I felt like skipping a workout but talked myself into going. I do win little battles all the time. I am determined and will not give up.
And I am sure that the guilt mixed with extra glycogen stores should lead to some pretty killer workouts for the next week. :)
