I finally started to feel better yesterday, but I was probably more stir crazy than anything so I went to the gym and did that glute routine I mentioned a few posts ago. I got on a treadmill to get some cardio in, but my lungs were not feeling very good, so I walked for 20 minutes.
Although I do feel very motivated, I almost talked myself out of my workout this evening. After being out sick Friday I was swamped, plus my boss was back in town, and then I had 3 back to back meetings this morning, my day got away from me in a hurry. I ended up skipping my lunch break (ate at my desk) and staying an hour late, which made for a 10 hour day. By 10:00AM I knew I would have to skip a lunch workout, but as the day wore on and I got busier and busier I talked myself in and out of my workout a few time. Never all the way out, but I did toy with the idea of just going home and curling up to watch Mad Men. I was tired!! So then I thought about getting home, and then driving over to the Eastside Y, but I knew if I did that there was chance I wouldn't go. So I changed into my workout gear at work and ran on the bike path there. I am so glad I did (Aren't you always glad when you do?) and now I have one more workout to take to the bank. It was nice being out on a crisp fall evening too, though that cold air made my lungs burn.
***
I've been going back in forth in my head about results. Now that I am dedicated, disciplined and doing it, I have moments where I am impatient with results, but more than that, I over analyze every facet of the plan. Almost like "surely there is some secret move, some magic nutrient that will make my results come quicker- something the pros do, some secret they have." I research and read, and re-read, and research. Best moves, proper form, proper macronutrient ratios, proper timing of said ratios....everything. The truth -and what I need to remember- is that I do know what I'm doing. I AM doing what the "pros" do. I have done my homework. I just have to keep doing it, over and over and over again. I didn't fall off the wagon overnight, and it is only with consistency + time that I will get the results. Tell my doubting mind that!! It really is like having an angel and a devil on your shoulder, this human condition.
Oh, and its super weird being super single. Like I said, its what I want to be doing right now, I have to put this stuff first for a spell and center myself again, get my groove back so to speak, physically, mentally, and spiritually. But it still doesn't mean it isn't weird. I haven't even seen M in over a week! The last few times we hung out I realized he is irritable towards me in a way that is kinda annoying and makes me feel bad about myself. So, I've loosened the straps on that one too. He's been my sidekick for a while, even through past boyfriends I've had but that "endearing" feeling of our friendship is wearing off. I'm finding it harder to relate. And like I've said before, my circle of friends in the neighborhood are really into the bar scene, and I'm giving that up for a while too. I am totally happy- more happy now than I have been in months, but I do acknowledge some moments of lonely. Lonely is not a bad thing. This time of, well, "me-time" rocks. I am kind of viewing this time as some sort of metamorphosis, almost like I'm in hiding for now but will emerge at some point, changed. And it is totally that. Its all a continual circle of reaping and sowing.
I should sign out and hit the sack but I wanted to display two new products I've entered into my regime this weekend:
 |
| More beneficial than peanut butter, and pretty tasty. I have a tablespoon with my night time protein shake. |
 |
| The one and only Udo's oil. You can't cook with it, so I use it in classic oil/basalmic dressings. Fo' drizzle! |
